Emily Bouchard

Summer brings forth plans for travel and family time for moms with children of all ages.  Women in leadership roles in their professional lives find themselves in a unique position as leader, mentor (or “femtor”), and guide to our children as we seek to empower them and keep them from feeling entitled (and perhaps even spoiled) by the good fortune we have helped to bring into their lives.

Using family trips during the summer as a way to strengthen bonds, tap into unifying values, and spark a sense of privilege and responsibility can be much easier than you think.  Children of all ages tend to rise to the occasion when given specific roles and tasks related to the family trip.

Some examples of what women have done to cultivate their children’s natural giving instinct and desire to engage in the travel planning include:

1. Having each child research the locale of the trip and create a “travel brochure” for the family for their designated part of the trip where they will be the “tour guide”.  They get to choose where the family will go and their job is to make the “tour” is interesting and enjoyable.

2. Giving each child the same amount of money, with half allotted towards souvenirs and treats, and half allotted towards giving back somehow to the community the family intends to visit.  The children (and remember, any age) get to look at how to leverage their resources and work together towards making the most out of the opportunity given.

For more ideas related to how to engage your children in your travel plans, and bring philanthropy and giving back into the conversation as you discover new places together, you can join the authors, Emily Bouchard and Jamie Traeger-Muney for an interactive webinar about this topic hosted by Catalytic Women.

Emily Bouchard is the co-author of  Estate Planning for the Blended Family with Paul Hood, and leads “Your Intangible Legacy” Ethical Will Workshop for religious, civic, and estate planning organizations. Emily is also the Managing Partner of Wealth Legacy Group, a consultancy specializing in the emotional impact of wealth in people’s lives.  WLG works with clients and their advisors through individual and group coaching, speaking, workshops and in-service trainings designed to address the qualitative side of financial management and estate planning.

Thank you Emily for your wisdom on emotions and money and blended families and paying attention to the legacy we leave.

Warm regards,

Karen

Dedicated to women’s equality since my teen years, I was sething. While it wasn’t uncommon to be the only woman consulting to a room of senior managers, this was the first time I’d been put down by a structural design. Yet, I had a job to do. Clenching my jaw, I kept going.

It took me many years to realize that in addition to women being put down a level as a gender, our feminine vision, values, gifts and approaches were also excluded. The saddest part is that in retrospect I did the same thing with my feminine self as I pushed, drove, played tough, and kept my focus on accomplishing results. There was less room for gentle compassion or undulating feelings, and I had no idea that as a woman my true source of power resided in my feminine wisdom. (More on this today on my guest blog post at the 3rd Act.)

Now, in my late 50’s (turning 60 this year!) I’m unequivocal about showing up in the world as my whole authentic feminine self. I work from an integrated appreciation of the my many dimensions. Including all of myself – I feel more fulfilled, less drained.

Our power arises naturally when we value the feminine in ourselves and other women. When we try to project a certain image, or be like someone else, there is a tightening in the heart. When we can be who we are with honesty, positive regard, and compassion, we relax the heart. These are the conditions of centered confidence and freedom, no matter what is happening around us.

Clearly women’s wisdom is still needed in our companies, and the world today. Whether looking at the debacle of Wall Street in 2008, the political conflicts we are currently experiencing in America, or the wars that rage unceasingly around the world, we are clearly missing the kind of wisdom that places long term health, inspiring beauty, compassionate caring, and effective action on what matters for life as top priorities.

This is why I put together the next The Next Octave Women’s Leadership Webinar. After working with hundreds of women in corporations, nonprofits, community organizations and small-business owners I discovered that women need a methodology based in feminine wisdom to develop as authentic, powerful leaders. Consider joining this dedicated group of women coming together to learn and apply the powerful methods and models that create wise feminine leaders.

Warmest regards

Karen

“It’s time to stop fooling ourselves”, says Anne-Marie Slaughter in a recent article in The Atlantic Monthly, “women who have managed to be both mothers and top professionals are superhuman, rich, or self-employed.” Anne-Marie held top positions of power, and chose to leave the State Department to go home to be with her teen-aged sons when they needed her. She got a lot of grief for her choice.

My heart breaks that we still struggle with this basic disagreement! What really matters to the future of our world – the number of hours worked or the health of our children and families?

At first I also did the supermom routine. When my beautiful daughter was born my days were like this – nurse, work, nurse, work, sleep, nurse. Take the sitter with me to consulting contracts so I could see and hold my baby during the breaks. Soon I was exhausted, then joyfully pregnant with my son and I knew things had to change.

The choice to stay home for 4 years was super hard for me – it meant a loss of identity, confusion about my priorities – and I couldn’t figure out how to slow down! What was I going to do with all my energy? While I was competent as a professional – it took me many months to learn how to really show up as a parent.

Anne-Marie tried for years to do it all – to have it all. Eventually, her heart chose – her sons needed her at home, now. Even though she was the first woman to hold these positions, her sons couldn’t wait until the next big policy was in place or until after the election and after top positions at Princeton and Harvard,  she left a senior position as Director of Policy Planning for the United States Department of State to spend her time as a mom.

What is your experience? Do people in positions of power place more value on parenting activities or on other activities like training for a marathon more outside of work?

Subtle gestures, unspoken assumptions, and direct comments place a low value on child care in comparison with other activities. They make it harder for a primary caregiver to get ahead.

This story from Anne-Marie goes to the heart of the matter: “An employer has two equally talented and productive employees. One trains for and runs marathons when he is not working. The other takes care of two children. What assumptions is the employer likely to make about the marathon runner? That he gets up in the dark every day and logs an hour or two running before even coming into the office, or drives himself to get out there even after a long day. That he is ferociously disciplined and willing to push himself through distraction, exhaustion, and days when nothing seems to go right in the service of a goal far in the distance. That he must manage his time exceptionally well to squeeze all of that in.

Be honest: Do you think the employer makes those same assumptions about the parent? Even though she likely rises in the dark hours before she needs to be at work, organizes her children’s day, makes breakfast, packs lunch, gets them off to school, figures out shopping and other errands even if she is lucky enough to have a housekeeper—and does much the same work at the end of the day. Cheryl Mills, Hillary Clinton’s indefatigable chief of staff, has twins in elementary school; even with a fully engaged husband, she famously gets up at four every morning to check and send e-mails before her kids wake up.

The discipline, organization, and sheer endurance it takes to succeed at top levels with young children at home is easily comparable to running 20 to 40 miles a week. But that’s rarely how employers see things, not only when making allowances, but when making promotions. Perhaps because people choose to have children? People also choose to run marathons.”

There are real barriers and flaws in the system young women today have inherited – systems that make it tough to parent and succeed at work. Women are still underrepresented at the decision making tables – and so are their values and priorities. If we truly believe in equal opportunity for all women, some fundamentals need to change.

Women are over 50% of the college graduates and wield over 50% of the financial resources in the US and Europe. While Linda Tarr-Whelan, Ambassador, Senior Policy Advisor to the UN and author of Women Lead the Way, asserts we need a 30% solution. Anne Marie proposes that we will see changes in what is expected only when we elect a woman president and 50 women senators; to ensure that women are equally represented in the ranks of corporate executives and judicial leaders. We are a long ways from those numbers.

The system needs to change – and women need to change. As women, only when we value our feminine wisdom will we insist that society value parenting – whether it is a man or a woman as primary caregiver.

Anne-Marie took a risk in publishing this article – and a quick google search shows lots of hostile responses. I’ve lived this story as well – stayed awake worrying about my kids when I traveled and wished I was home when the disasters struck  – and I have to say I agree. We can’t have it all, not in the existing system.

Only when the subtle and overt system barriers change and women wield positional power in sufficient numbers will we create a workplace and a society that genuinely works for women and families.

The good news? This will be a world that works for everyone.

Warmest regards,

Karen

Alice Parvin

We connect as humans in thousands of ways everyday. Through the internet, via phone, Facebook, text messages, instant messenger, perhaps even a hand written note, a smile,

a hug or touch to the arm when we greet each other, but we so often miss the most important connection of all; the connection of touch on a conscious level.

I recently attended a Reiki Healing Touch Level One Class. I participated to find out more about using Reiki as a medium to “read” what my own body was yearning to tell me but what I discovered was even more profound. We are woefully deficient in human touch in our society; conscious touch. This realization came after a day with four amazingly wise women all on different paths of discovery of their own wisdom. After performing my final Reiki session on one of the participants I braced myself for her review. With tears in her eyes, she faced me and said, “If every young girl were to learn how it feels to be touched in such a wise way, there would be fewer unexpected pregnancies in this country.” Her statement rocked me.

As we talked about it on the way home, she said she was expressing what so many of us yearn for, the touch of the mother. The Great Mother. A healing touch. The touch of a wise woman.

If we as women had learned this touch, this loving, unconditional touch as children or even in the womb, we would be wiser women, friends, lovers and partners. We would carry it in every cell of our bodies, needed nothing more. Many of us who were children of the 50’s and 60’s were denied this. The fault does not lie with our mothers. They did not know. Some of us have been fortunate enough to have discovered the mystery of this touch of feminine wisdom later in life, others not.  It has changed my life. I learned at 60 what the magic of conscious touch can do. To heal, to open your heart, to discover pleasures and joy, I never knew.

It was only after the statement made in the Reiki session that I realized it was connected to the discovery and growth of my own feminine wisdom through touch and how deeply I want to share that with other women…all women. Through this experience I have awakened to my own appreciation of how my feminine wisdom through touch can reach so many people, if I am present and conscious to that wisdom.

Alice Parvin is a community leader, volunteer, mother and student of the facets of feminine wisdom, energy and power. She is co-founder of Fredericksburg Academy, a Pre-K through 12^th grade private school, now in it’s 20^th year. She is also a founder of WINGS which supports non profits in the community. She lives in Fredericksburg, Virginia.

Thank you Alice – you are truly a wise feminine leader bringing insight, vision, compassion, (a fabulous sense of humor!) and an ability to get big things done. We are all better for it.

Warmest regards, Karen

Lotus by Cathy DeForest

“Doubt makes it impossible to commit ourselves.” – Sharon Salzberg speaks to the heart of doubt – the kind of doubt that takes us off track, away from what we want to do.  Diminished, we feel small, paralyzed, immobile. Caught in comparisons, one-up/one-down, we forget how much we know and overlook our rich life experience. There is a way through.

“Doubt makes it impossible to commit ourselves. We become unwilling to take the risk of giving a process some time, of allowing the truth to come forth. Instead of allowing answers to emerge intuitively, doubt demands that we know the answers immediately. Instead of drawing close to our experience, the doubting mind pulls us back from whatever the moment is offering so that we can scrutinize it – usually so that we can compare it to something else. And so we sit, thinking, “Am I doing it right? Am I doing it perfectly? What am I doing here? Continually comparing, judging, and assessing keeps us stuck and unable to see deeply for ourselves.” Sharon Salzberg, “A Heart as Wide as the World” (BTW: I love this book and dip into it regularly for her wisdom.)

Instead we can use doubt to realize our full potential. Seeing our doubts can impel us to discover the truth about ourselves. Once we find confidence in our own ability to see the truth, and stop distracting ourselves with unkind questions and disapproving chatter, we can face what lies below. Our core doubt, under all the superficial mental activity, is insidious unless we embrace it, take it in our arms.

Transforming doubt takes objectivity – seeing things as they are. Is it really true that we “don’t know what to do” or “aren’t enough” or “lack some essential gene”? We can always discover times or situations when these are not true!

Times when our unique skills helped someone in need. Moments when we knew just what to do. Honest thanks in a friend’s eyes.

Unraveling doubt starts with identifying negative self talk. Whether spoken out loud or inside our heads these phrases lodge in our body, becoming points of compression, aversion or pain.  Tough to create anew, impossible to feel inspired, and hard to take the next step.

Research shows that a 3:1 ratio of positive to negative self talk can transform doubt. What is a more truthful phrase that can replace the lie of doubt? We can search for the phrase beyond the superficial platitudes. Find the phrase that provides balm to our hurting heart. Feel the real truth of this new phrase and lodge this in our body – expanding – until it takes 3 times more space than the doubt. Use that 3:1 ratio!

When we discover faith in ourselves and a strong degree of self trust we are willing to take risks, grow outside of our comfort zone, and express our gifts wholeheartedly. We develop resilience. Resilience enables us to meet challenges as they arise with grace and equanimity.

How do you transform your doubts at home and work?

Every day I hear doubts, in every coaching and consulting session. We talk, shift the view, broaden your knowing. As you move past doubt, your wisdom is stunning! You never cease to amaze me. We discover that you know what to do, the next step to take, the direction to move your business or life for more heart, meaning, and success.

This is why I developed The Next Octave Leadership Webinar that starts July 19th. I’ve distilled several vitally important skills to build resilience. We’ll develop new strategies to overcome the 3 biggies: self doubt, dismissal, and diminishment. In addition,  the Nine Facets of Feminine Wisdom will empower you to fully appreciate who you are as a woman and step into the power of your feminine wisdom.

Warmest regards,

Karen

Thanks to Cathy DeForest for this beautiful lotus – reminding us our our upright grace and inspiring spirit.

It all comes down to that doesn’t it? Yet, my heart ache isn’t because of self hatred or anything like that! I am pouring on the love as I reflect. Drinking in the richness of insight, composting – taking the debris and the rich growth of the year and turning it into rich soil for second half of 2012.

This is one of those good aches, the creaking, opening, to more possibilities. A deeper resonance as I embrace my always growing and emerging soul. Who is my Wise Self below the fear? What does she want to say? Where does she inspire me to lead?

I also deliberate on all the ways I generously created a new future for myself and others this past year. How I stepped out of old limitations. I celebrate all that I am becoming and LOVE the gentle soul in me who cares so deeply about the world. I honor my dedication and my willingness to risk, to write, to speak, and to reach out and touch…and be touched.

The Solstice is a time of great personal power, a time of dancing and bonfires to help increase the sun’s energy. The goddess of light is honored as is the goddess of darkness – their rich and fertile pathways run below our common days. The sun is the furthest north for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, our half of the Earth is tilted toward the sun, and it’s the longest length of time between sunrise and sunset on this day.

This is a day for turning. A day to consciously join the cycle of constant change – the ebb and flow, death and birth, weakness and strength, melancholy and elation. It’s a good time to have friends around, to be a good friend. It’s a time to give of your heart and warm the soul. It is a time to celebrate and ruminate – who you have been and who you are becoming.

Enjoy! Take a wild dance round the garden or under the moonlight in nature. Welcome your magnificence and shout it out to the world. Yahoo! I’ll see you there.

Karen

We are an economic powerhouse. This is what a 2009 Guardian Life research study suggested and we are well on our way to doing just that.

So the question is…how do we take our small businesses from well…small…to the next level where we can do our part in economic growth? How do we get past all the ways we limit ourselves again and again? How do we learn to bank on our unique strengths?

Over the past year, I’ve distilled my top 9 tips from over 20 years of helping small business owners grow their businesses  and wrapped them into a teleseminar called Business Boost 101. These models, tools, and skills are proven to generate a boost in any business, income, and career.

How do I know this? I learn every day from business women who succeed. I watch what they do and bring their attention to what works. As we figure out how to amply and refine their approaches, their success increases.

I spent hours and hours putting all these years of experience into these 9 key models and approaches that will open opportunities for your growth, at the right pace for you, so that your inner stillness and fertile creativity also flourish along with the kind of significant results you most want. I’m very excited to share them with you!

It’s frustrating to feel alone as an entrepreneur. The 3 part seminar also includes ample time to ask your gnarly questions, learn from each other, and receive vital support in stepping out of procrastination and into your feminine wisdom and personal power.

Business Boost starts Thursday, 6/21 so sign up today to get your workbook and start your own acceleration. (If you need to miss a session – they will be recorded.)

If you’d like to learn more from the research I mentioned above, check out The Guardian Life Index: What Matters Most to America’s Small Business Owners. It provides new insights about the professional management approach practiced by women small business owners – one that they believe will significantly transform the workplace environment for millions of Americans in the coming years.

“This women-led management approach will have a profound impact on the employees and customers connected to these businesses,” said John Krubski, futurist and research advisor to The Guardian Life Small Business Research Institute.  “Women small business owners will ultimately create more opportunities for employees to grow in their jobs and inspire others to start their own small business – all while providing customers with superior service.”

With special relevance to the tight credit many women experience today, the projection also reflects that women-owned businesses are more often self-funded than male-owned ones and are therefore less reliant on bank financing. The Institute’s projections are based on “a rigorous analysis of converging factors, including the faster growth rate of women-owned businesses vs. male-owned; higher college graduation rates by women vs. men; and the predicted growth of industry sectors and occupations dominated by women.”

  How do you most want to grow your business? What difference do you hope to make?

Warmest regards,

Karen

You truly are the expert, immersed in your business vision and progress to date, you know what to do to get to the next level. Identify a next step as well as some of the potential traps that you fall into while you design a strategy to get yourself out. Try it, answer the questions and take step after step to build your business momentum!

1. Accurate Priorities Tip – What are my highest leverage, most important priorities to build my business momentum now?

(Example: My highest leverage priority is to follow up all the leads that have been given to us, and my most important priority is to make sure that our next public event is well attended.)

Accurate Priority Trap – When I’m off track with my priorities, what do I need to do to get back on track and when will I do that?

(Example: When I’m off track, sometimes I need to get some extra rest and sleep, or I need to spend quality time with my husband, and/or sit down and have some quiet time at my desk to sort things out.)

2. Effective Communications Tip – What do I need to communicate and to whom to build my business momentum?

(Example: I need to communicate with the upcoming event volunteers to make explicit requests and give them directions.)

Effective Communications Trap – What are some strategies I could employ when communications break down in my business?

(Example: I could ask for a sane third party’s help, or I could calm down, reread any email before I send it.)

Because I love seeing small business people succeed I’ve developed the Business Boost Seminar where you learn to place yourself and your business in the right level of business growth with just the right activities to boost you to the next level. The next one starts Thursday, 6/21.

Warmest regards,

Karen

Why is it even important to ignite the flame of passion in our business?

Many entrepreneurs I coach report that so many things get in the way of them building and growing their businesses. Our kids needs, our parent’s needs, survival needs, everything seems to come first. Some times it’s just overwhelming, and we all wonder if we will ever just be able to focus enough on creating our business to have it succeed….That’s when getting back to the tap-root of our passion is so important. It can really pull us through!

Our feminine wisdom tells us that you are the source of the best ideas about how to build your business momentum! The Tips and Traps Exercise that follows will give you a chance to make up some fresh and new next steps and strategies for your own business growth, in the vital areas of:
• Your passion (yup, let’s start there!)
• Your strengths and limitations
• Accurate priorities and
• Effective communications

In this exercise, yes, you’ll be the expert, giving your own best tips to yourself! In addition, you’ll be pointing out some of the potential traps to yourself as well. Try it, answer the questions and you’ll be amazed, it works wonders and will provide all this fodder for you to put to work for you in building your business momentum!

1. Passion Tip – What am I most passionate about in my business?

(Example: I’m passionate about helping women gain confidence, self-trust and fuller self expression in building their businesses.)

Passion Trap – When the flame of passion is diminished, what can I do to re-ignite it?

(Example: When my passion flame is dim, I can re-read some past testimonials of clients to help me remember the difference that I’m making in women’s lives.)

2. Strengths Tip – What are my strengths that are needed now to build my business momentum?

(Example: My strengths needed now in building my business
momentum are enthusiasm, generosity, willingness to learn new things.)

Strengths Trap – What are the self-imposed limits that keep me from creating business momentum?

(Example: Some limits I impose on myself are when I don’t trust my instincts and intuition and value someone else’s ideas more than my own. Or when I don’t speak up when I have something useful to contribute in a situation.)

3. Accurate Priorities Tip – What are my highest leverage, most important priorities to build my business momentum now?

(Example: My highest leverage priority is to follow up all the leads that have been given to us, and my most important priority is to make sure that our next public event is well attended.)

Accurate Priority Trap – When I’m off track with my priorities, what do I need to do to get back on track?

(Example: When I’m off track, sometimes I need to get some extra rest and sleep, or I need to spend quality time with my husband, and/or sit down and have some quiet time at my desk to sort things out.)

4. Effective Communications Tip – What do I need to communicate and to whom to build my business momentum?

(Example: I need to communicate with the upcoming event volunteers to make explicit requests and give them directions.)

Effective Communications Trap – What are some strategies I could employ when communications break down in my business?

(Example: I could ask for a sane third party’s help, and I could calm down and write an email apologizing for my outburst.)

Hooray for you, especially if you took the few minutes required to answer the questions! Go and give yourself a treat of some kind and celebrate this kind of clarity. You can have it all the time, when you make yourself the priority.

You may want to take another 5 minutes and translate your answers to the questions above into “to-do’s” on your list of actions and to-do’s in whatever system you utilize to stay organized.

I LOVE to hear ways that these business momentum exercises are making a difference for you and welcome all your comments!

Because I love seeing small business people succeed I’ve developed the Business Boost Seminar where you learn to place yourself and your business in the right level of business growth with just the right activities to boost you to the next level. The next one starts Thursday, 6/21.